Is Nativity 3: Dude, Where's My Donkey?! Any Good?

Dude, Where's My Funny?!

Nativity 3: Dude, Where's My Donkey?! - Film Review by Nathan Brooks

Nativity's lack of critical success completely baffles me. I thought Nativity was a great movie. It was funny, it had more depth to it than most comedies and was overall just a fun movie. Nativity 2: Danger in the Manger's lack of critical success, I understand a lot better. I still remember it being fairly entertaining, but I was about 11 then, and I didn't have a brilliant judgement of what makes a good movie. Of what I can remember, however, it was nowhere near as good as Nativity in terms of story and character and basically everything important needed to make a good film. I also remember that they spent most of the movie in a bus. Nativity 3: Dude, Where's My Donkey is proof that the film makers have given up on trying to please the critics. This is an awful film. Nativity 2 was not a brilliant movie, but it at least kept me entertained for however long it's run time was. Nativity 3 just left me feeling bored and unsatisfied. But this is only the introduction, to really see how bad this film was, we need to dive deeper...

Story

Clearly Mr Poppy's just as confused
as we are.

I would try to tell you the story of the first quarter or so of this movie, but that'd be impossible. Everything just goes way too fast for the average human being to keep up with what's going on. Now, when I say everything goes too fast, I don't mean the first quarter as a whole. No, I mean every single scene goes way too fast. One scene could start and finish before you know anything ever happened. As well as this making it impossible to process what's going on, this also means the movie leaves no time for anything to develop in each scene. For example, Mr Poppy gets fired, or should I say 'expelled' as he technically isn't a qualified teacher, in about five seconds of the new Headteacher meeting him. So he's just been fired for what reason? No reason. If this was a decent film it would take time to get Mr Poppy expelled, so we can actually see why he was expelled, instead of just expelling him in two seconds, leaving us completely and utterly confused! Do you remember the hilarious audition scene from the first movie? Well, Nativity 3 has one as well, and it lasts for a whole 10 seconds! 

Thankfully, this awful, awful pacing lasts for only the first quarter or so of the movie and eventually everything slows down. So, what's the story like from this point on? Just, boring. Boring and really, really silly. The story mainly focuses on the main character, Mr Shepherd (Martin Clunes), losing his memory because he was kicked in the head by a donkey. Unfortunately, the movie never does anything funny with it. Instead, it ends up being a gimmick you just end up forgetting. There's also a flash mob competition, which the children of St Bernadette's (which is barely a school anymore and more of a zoo) are attempting to win. Unlike the first film, however, there's nothing that makes you want them to win. The movie does give you a reason why you should, but it's so underdeveloped that you won't care one bit, and this is mostly thanks to the boring characters, but more on them later.

Anything else that happens in this movie is not worth mentioning, because it's just too terrible. The story just feels lazy, underdeveloped and whatever's happening, the film doesn't ever give you a good enough reason to care. There's not much good I can say about the story other than it does improve slightly over time, meaning you leave with a better impression than you started with. Well, you would, if it wasn't for the donkey 'shaking its ass' at the end as if it was animated on flash. That's not an exaggeration at all.

Story: 3/10

Characters

I liked Martin Freeman's character in the first movie. He was grumpy, which was funny, but he also had emotional depth to him which was thoroughly explored. The same cannot be said about a single character in this film.

 Martin Clunes must have no idea
what he's doing in this movie.

The main character, Mr. Shepherd is probably the best character, as he's the most explored of all the characters. It did feel like somebody put some effort into this character, as he does have most of the key elements necessary to making a believable character. They also managed to use the otherwise pointless memory loss gimmick to give us a small glimpse into his past. Unfortunately, saying he's the best of the characters, isn't saying much. He's still, as all of the other characters are, very boring. and underdeveloped, and because of this, when he loses his memory, or when he tries to get his
fiancée back from an 'evil' flash mob dancer, you don't care.

Speaking of his fiancée, she barely exists. She has almost nothing to her character whatsoever meaning you care even less about what happens. There's also nothing worth saying about the villain.

Mr Poppy's nowhere near as funny as he is in the first movie, and the same can be said about the kids, who appear to just be there because it's a Nativity movie.

Gordon Shakespeare also makes a couple of completely unnecessary appearances. In the first Nativity, he had a direct conflict with the main character. They were best friends, until the both went to teach at different schools, Shakespeare's being the more successful. In this, and the second Nativity as well, he's just there because he was in the first one. There was no conflict developed between him and Mr. Shepherd, or even between St. Bernadette's, so his presence is completely unnecessary.

Anyone else worth mentioning? No, not at all. None of these characters are funny, interesting or even necessary to begin with.
Characters: 4/10

Music
Remember how the first Nativity used multiple different Christmas songs at specific times, each one perfectly selected for the mood of the scene? Well this film has one whole Christmas song that they use over and over again and each time you hear it you feel like you're going to explode. The songs that are performed during the flash mobs also suck and the main theme, bizarrely titled 'Dude, Where's My Donkey?!',  sums up the lack of quality in every single one of these songs. Maybe they wasted all their money on animating that donkey at the end.
Music: 2/10

Looks
This movie can't even animate a donkey properly.
Looks: 1/10

Final Thoughts
I still can't believe that the same people who made one of my favourite christmas films also made this. Unlike the second one, there's nothing salvageable to be found anywhere in this movie. Everything went downhill after the first Nativity horribly fast and I don't know how, or why they did it, unless they really did just give up. If a film can't properly animate a donkey 'shaking its ass' with all the technology that we have nowadays, it definitely can't do anything else right. Don't pay to watch this movie. In fact, don't even watch it when it's being played on TV. Just don't watch it at all,  unless you happen to be between the ages of 6 and 11, then you'll probably love it.
Overall: 2.5/10

What? You got a worse rating than Transformers 4?!